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Red Legend
Jedi Master
Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 195
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Class Article on The Blue Rentboys |
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Chelsea, a soulless brand that loves to be loathed
By Michael Henderson
Last Updated: 1:23am GMT 30/11/2006
Some years ago, when Baroness Philippine de Rothschild was entertaining Robert Mondavi at the chateau that bears the famous family name, they were talking about the things that wine makers like to talk about: grapes, soil, sun. Then she said: 'Making wine is a pretty simple business. It's the first 200 years that's difficult'.
Just like that – voila! Mondavi, quite a player himself, crept back to northern California, pierced to the quick. There are certain things understood in the blood, the first lady of wine was saying, which constitute an inheritance that has nothing to do with spending money or vaulting ambition.
The Rothschild rapier came to mind the other day when Peter Kenyon, Chelsea's chief executive, spoke freely of their intention to become the biggest club in the world – 'brand leader', no less – by 2014. More specifically, he was telling his previous employers at Old Trafford, where he is not the most popular man, that their days as top dogs were numbered.
In the mephitic world of football, which attracts so many people of exceptional venality, Kenyon stands out as possibly the most absurd figure of all. Not bent, not nasty in the way that others are; just absurd. For all his talk of world domination the former sportswear salesman from Stalybridge is little more than a highly-paid errand-boy, sent on missions by a mysterious, easily bored Russian, for the benefit of a manager who labours under the misapprehension that he is Count Bismarck, and the Premiership represents a map of Europe in 1870.
advertisementSo those of us who are slightly sceptical about the Stamford Bridge revolution cannot pretend it does not give pleasure to inform 'Roman the Terrible', 'Jose the Horrible' and their lap dog 'Petrushka' that, even if they win the Premiership every season until the stipulated 'harmonisation' year of 2014, they will still come a distant second to Manchester United. And Liverpool. And Arsenal. And a few others beyond these shores.
Status is not something you can buy over the counter at the grocer's, like a bag of King Edward's. 'I'll have half-a-pound of tradition, please, and throw in a few slices of heritage while you're at it. Oh, and some turnips, for Michael Ballack'. It is something that develops incrementally over decades of achievement.
Of course, if the acquisition of players counted for everything, Chelsea have already planted their pole on top of football's Everest, and there are untold millions in the kitty (not generated by success on the field, as at other clubs) to buy dozens more. They could bring in Dan Carter, Roger Federer and Ricky Ponting tomorrow if they wanted, and perhaps they should. Those entertainers would bring a touch of class to what is essentially a soulless, mercenary team.
Class is the key word. The people who own, manage and administer Chelsea underline, week in, week out, what Oscar Wilde meant when he defined a cynic as 'someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing'. They spend money like drunken sailors, and brag about there being 'more where that came from'. Then they wonder why the world outside their frantic little parish withholds its respect.
For let us be honest: Chelsea are loathed with greater intensity, by more people, than any club in the history of English football. Don Revie's Leeds United side were not liked because they kicked people, and tried to laugh it off. Manchester United are disliked and envied in roughly equal measure, but they are admired for their football, and their history. Arsenal used to send crowds to sleep every week. Now they are rhapsodised by the very people who, not so long ago, wouldn't pay 'em in washers. Even Liverpool in their glory years had their detractors.
But Chelsea are loathed because they have spent half-a-billion pounds to keep internationals in gravy, and yet prefer to grind out victories; because 'The Interpreter' considers himself to be 'special'; because they decline to behave with the grace of champions (they don't even acknowledge the possibility of grace); because some of their players earn £130,000-a-week and grumble it's hard to find a suitable property in London; because their supporters, an odd compound of ample-buttocked 'A3 Men' and 'Showbiz Charlies', many of whom couldn't tell a goal-post from the groundsman's cat, present such a disagreeable spectacle.
Even in the old days, when Charlie Cooke and Peter Osgood offered sound reasons for enjoying their football, there was something unappealing about them: all that guff about whooping it up with film stars in the King's Road (it's Fulham Road, actually), and tales of 'Chopper' Harris, a so-called hard man who was regarded as a joke north of the Trent. 'I always scored against Chelsea', a true warrior of those bloody times once confessed. 'Harris never came near me, and he got rid of the ball pretty sharpish if I went looking for him'.
Chelsea may well retain the Premiership, even if Michael Ballack and Andrei Shevchenko continue to play like Hinge and Bracket (value for money there, gentlemen!). They may even win the Champions League. Having doled out so much brass, and banged on about what it would mean to win that bloated competition, they will look pretty silly if they don't.
If referees or opponents get in their way, their fans can always fire off death threats (the full story of the Anders Frisk affair has not been revealed), and 'The Interpreter' will pout away like Margaret Rutherford as Madame Arcati.
Or they might, at this late hour, absorb a lesson that even 'dynamic brands' might find useful. Great football clubs have a sense of history; not only their own, but also that of the game. Anfield and Old Trafford reek of history but so too do the Parks of Villa, St James's, and Fratton, where success has been more spasmodic. Proper football clubs want to be successful but they feel a responsibility to the game at large, if it is possible to put it so romantically without people sniggering. Chelsea are not interested in anything so opaque. Furthermore, they give the impression that they actually enjoy being disliked. Envy, they call it. A sense of detachment, others might say.
West Bromwich Albion is a football club. Accrington Stanley is a football club. Chelsea has not been a football club for some while. It is a vanity publication, run by vulgarians for whom modesty is a badge of shame, and underwritten by a rich man whose loyalty to a foreign investment cannot be taken for granted.
Top dogs, eh? Woof, woof!
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Sun Dec 03, 2006 2:47 pm |
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Simple_Jim
Force Sensitive
Joined: 01 Dec 2006 Posts: 135
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hehe, very anti-chelsea... and I can see why... but really, until the big russkie appeared I liked chelsea... Hasselbaink and that lot, not the best but decent enough
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Sun Dec 03, 2006 4:12 pm |
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slasha
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Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 8 Location: WEST MIDLANDS AND WELSHPOOL |
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nice one red keep up the good work how would you like a job in the news of the world sports division your better than el tel
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Sun Dec 03, 2006 5:51 pm |
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snuffbunny
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Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 33 Location: heading towards the phillipines... |
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ha ha ha
been a chelsea fan for 18 years now, see them every season. and i can honestly say, there is no team i'd rather see. it's just great how red has nothing better to do than slate the only rivals man u has this season. i guess we've all finished bashing arsenal, and their paedophile of a manager.
i can however admit that shevchenko was a waste of money, but hey, that's not my fault.
i can also admit that we never needed ballack.
jon obi mikel should fucking die.
solomon kalou is a diving cunt.
in fact, our only good signing this season (despite being put on his ass by robbie keane) was khalid boulharouz.
oh yeah... and ashley cole....
chelsea will always be a side with it's die hard fans, who were all dubious with the take over. we will also be loyal through the hard times and good times. i remember the 94 cup final when man u beat us four nil. did heartbreaks like that or any other of the failures we've had that stop me, my dad or a bunch of drunken skinheads who are still there today?
the answer is no. and that is why we are a football club red.
_________________ I pity you. just a little bit. I pity your mother more. |
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Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:02 pm |
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dopefiend
Jedi Guardian
Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 229 Location: behind ur mum |
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why am i not surprised that snuffy is a chelsea fan?? Which part of west london do you live in?
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Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:17 pm |
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dopefiend
Jedi Guardian
Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 229 Location: behind ur mum |
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and now a serious reply- everyone says chelsea lost their soul when abramovich took over but in fact you will find chelsea broke all ties from when they were a respected club (in the 60s) when ken bates took over and promptly started charging the clubs own legends (osgood, chopper harris etc) for tickets to home games-what da fuck sort of money obsessed cunts charge their own legends to come and watch-abromovich isnt the first money obsessed whore to run chelsea-he just has a more obscene amount and his decisions have far reaching consequences.
As for that bald fuck kenyon-chelsea the worlds biggest club by 2014- only if osama nukes old trafford, the bernabeu, camp nou, san siro, and dare i say it-anfield. All these places are steeped in the history of past and present glories with fans brought up on stories of legendary players of unequalled skill and passion something which chelsea sorely lack under moaninho- a team of tradesmen and very few artisans may be successful but to be truly glorious the game must be played in a certain way( thats why no-one talks about george grahams arsenal as one of the truly great clubs and at the moment chelsea are just a bunch of fucking grinders!!!!!
o, and we even beat them lol
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Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:26 pm |
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Red Legend
Jedi Master
Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 195
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Don't get me started, yes, you are a club and like any club on the planet you have die hard supporters, however you will never have the following the likes of United, Liverpool, Arsenal et al have as they romanced the world with attractive attacking football. People don't care about championships, real fans just want to be entertained and unfortunately for Chelski under the curent regime they just have not done that. I think the best thing for Chelski would be to sent that taco eating mofo back to Iberia and bring in someone like Hiddink, who would not only bring you the results your vast amount of $$ demands, but also a nice, attractive style of football that the public want to see.
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Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:22 pm |
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